Lazarus: homeless ministry

I went to Trinity last Sunday and had an awsome time with God; I just love the way Chris teaches. He is very straight-forward about God but can make the funniest comments/jokes.(none come to mind.) Anyway, as I was leaving I saw some people signing up for something at a table in the cafe. As I walked up to the table I asked the lady sitting there what people were signing up for. This little woman said, "Lazarus. Were adding tuesday's and thursdays to the schedule to hand out water to the homeless in downtown Atlanta." I, having wanted to get involved in missions-well, any sort of ministry- signed up immediately. I decided that Thursday was the best day for me and monday I got an email from Allison, that's the Lazarus leaders name, saying that she needed a male to go with her thursday. Again I immediately replied, saying that I would be there. Anxiously awaiting the arrival of thursday evening I completely forgot to call mom and dad to tell them to be praying for me because, apparently it is very dangerous. Allison told me of an incident, that last year they stumbled across a drug deal in progress and the guys that were with her got all beat up. She didn't go into details, of that I am greatly thankful.

I can't help but think of the movie, "End of the Spear." I would recomend that everyone would go see this movie. It's a story about missionaries who encounter a savage South American tribe and are murdered by them. See the movie and try to understand what is so enviting to me. It is simply the chance to give one's life for what one believes in so strongly that he would no take his murderers life even to save his own. If God would give me a mission like the one he gave Steve Saint believe me, I would never ask him what he wants me to do again.

But wait a minute. Over the past couple of weeks God has removed much of the haze that has covered my eyes as to the destination of my calling. I know, without a shadow of a doubt that I will devote my life to the mission of saving those who are at the bottom of their lives with seemingly no way out. And now that I think about it, so did Steve Saint. I will be a missionary and my life will be given for a cause, a God, that I place every ounce of trust in. I may die of old age in the jungles of the Amazon or from a mugger next thursday as I extend my arm to offer him a bottle of water, but he, nor anyone else can take my life. I give my life to God to do with it as He pleases.

To everyone who reads what I write here, read it as poetry. that is the way it flows from my heart. Each word is the blood pumping through my veins and is sacred to me. Every notion is a prayer. Read them aloud and let His voice be heard through mine.

God is Awsome

There I was, standing on the brink of life and death. I had to make a choice. Options so trivial should be easy to ignore. However, such temptations have become all too familiar to my blackened flesh. I was standing there, toes hanging over the edge of an unfathomable chasm. I could see His presence, resonating on the far side but I could not, alone, bring myself to Him. I was undeniably going to plummet to my deserving death and God would be forced to stare in terror as his son fell to oblivion.

But my death was not inevitible, nor was it unavoidable. My destiny was not written to end at that chasm. I was saved at the very fringe of my existance. God found a way; He broke the silence that I had accepted in my heart and made his will conscious to me. He sent his daughter to deliver a message to me and give me hope for the approaching and eminent communion.

Assuredly, I was not meant for death at that chasm, rather, I was meant for a boundless life. God has lifted me up from the grave and given me such life that my eyes can see the foundation of that abyss rising to my feet. That which was once seen as impassable has dissolved to a direct trail to the manifest glory that I saw from the far side of the gorge.

God, take me in. Make me new. Iwant to be cutting edge, and forefront. My heart can not sustain all of your presence, but convey to me the utmost intimacy that I can embrace.

I'm so proud of myself! :)

I was insecure for a very long time. I know I wasn't born that way because God don't wake junk, but somehow, over the years, I just yielded to satans prodding until I lost my backbone. From other kids my age to my brothers and - don't get me wrong, I have the best parents in the world, but they contributed too. I was a shriveled up mess. I am not, by any means, master of this area of my life now but I am, at least moving in the right direction.

I have a faith in God that is stronger now than only days ago because I see now that he has put so much ability in me already that before I was pleading for. He couldn't give it to me because He alreaady had. I just didn't know it was there and I didn't know where to find it.

Just an example: I met Mom and Dad for dinner yesterday at Ruby Tuesday's and there was this really cute waitress and Mom pointed out the, already known to me fact that she thought I was a little good looking too; not that I put on the dog to go eat supper with my parents, but I was not looking my worst. Any way, in previous situations that would have made me very uncomfortable and quite self-conscious, but to even my amazement it didn't. I can't explain where this change occured without a minimum of an hour rambling, but perhaps if I get a chance I could give an abreviated version.

So I am proud to be important enough to God that He would give me not only a moments notice but rather a hand on my shoulder for the rest of my life. I pray that I never find myself in the desert and can not find Him.

Lonesome Me

Okay, yesterday I was so bummed. It started two days ago when Iwas blessed with the company of three of my best friends I've ever known. They came up to atlanta monday night and tuesday morning I, being the great student that I am, skipped classes that day and we all went to six flags for the day. We all had a lot of fun and Natalie got annoyed at me, and doug, for not speaking enough.
So teusday night I was all lonely and by my self. I didn't know what to do with myself. Usually I am fine going home to my empty house all alone with no one to talk to and nothing to do except home work, but it was like torture because I had gotten a taste of friendship that I hadn't known for a long time and it was in an instant, gone from me. I had the hardest time sleeping that night and yesterday was even more difficult to endure. The pain was relentless for the entire day up until I finally broke through. I had been praying the entire day for God to relieve my heart ache and I eventually started writing down what I was going through. I started writing just a week ago because I realized that it helps me remember the important things that God reviels to me.
The hurt was so intense that I had to conseal the tears that were dripping to the page.(I was writing in studio) But as I was writing, God revealed to me a certain thing that I will not put on blogger because it's a little more personal than I would like to reveal to those who don't ask me personally.
God completely redesigned the way I see things. He told me that he would give me the desires of my heart. halelujah

tingly fingers

I played basketball today with some of my classmates(I'm in summer school, blah) and I played hard enough that my fingers started tingling and my vision got all blurry. It's a cool feeling and a scarry feeling all at the same time. I could have blacked out and smashed my face on the court and messed up my pretty face. That would be terrible. (If you don't know me, I have a slightly sarcastic sense of humor, so be prepared.)

Anyway, my professor is here and I am supposed to be architecting. talk to you again in a few days or sooner, whatever I might find myself convenienced with.